Embrace the Discomfort. Period.

I sent a couple of tweets a little over a week ago about being on my period. Nothing graphic—just two generic tweets, one promoting menstrual cups (yeet) and the other about how my period was exacerbating my emotional response to an Avengers meme (still not over I love you 3000, tbh).

This weekend, I had a few people approach me about these tweets and inform me that they felt I was oversharing, insinuating that social media was an inappropriate platform to share this kind of information.

As a sociologist with a special interest in social issues, I, of course, took to Instagram to collect some additional data from my social circle. I posted a poll to my Instagram story asking about whether it was inappropriate to talk about periods on social media, and got the response that I expected: the majority of poll respondents voted that talking about periods on social media is acceptable.

One hypothesis to support these findings is that the millennial social atmosphere encourages oversharing on social media, including discussions about periods; this hypothesis definitely holds some weight. The data from this poll, however, also revealed an  interesting phenomenon that I didn’t anticipate:

With the exception of just a few outliers, every respondent that said talking about your period on social media is inappropriate were men, and the overwhelming majority of respondents that said period mentions on social media are fine were women.

Addressing the stigma: Periods are not sexual.

While it may seem initially intuitive that men feel openly discussing periods is inappropriate while women feel fine about it, this data paints a fascinating picture about our social atmosphere, and raises an important question:

Why—in a developed western society like the United States, where we know what menstruation is and why it happens and why it’s important, in a socioeconomic atmosphere where publicly sharing personal details about one’s life is commonplace—do discussions about periods make the men in our society uncomfortable?

My best guess is personal experience: when faced with something that we don't understand or with which we lack familiarity, we experience discomfort. It follows that men would be uncomfortable discussing periods because they lack personal experience with menstruation. Conversely, menstruation is such a standard part of the female experience that comments about periods elicit a much less uncomfortable reaction from women.

And, if I may, I think the stigma about periods—the crux of this discomfort about menstruation for men in the developed western world—comes from a misunderstanding (or misrepresentation, I’m not entirely sure which) about periods being sexual. 

To be absolutely crystal clear, despite being part of the female reproductive system, periods are not sexual. Accordingly, a woman commenting about being on her period is just as "private" or "personal" as commenting about any variety of non-stigmatized bodily functions, such as using the restroom or vomiting. These circumstances are perhaps unpleasant conversation topics for some, especially if the nature of the comment or conversation is graphic in detail, but most members of our society do not feel that the mention of bathrooms or using the bathroom is "private," "personal," or "inappropriate" to share publicly.

Because women generally feel as comfortable discussing their period as they do about discussing other nonstigmatized functions, while men do not, we may extrapolate that the  the male "privacy of periods" attitude proceeds unfamiliarity and lack of normality regarding menstruation for that social group.

If you can afford to avoid social issues on social platforms, you are living your life in privilege.

At this point, you may be asking why any of this matters at all. What does it matter if talking about periods makes men uncomfortable? Why is it important that we normalize the stigma around menstruation?

The answer to these questions leads us to a much bigger, and perhaps much more important, aspect of our socioeconomic atmosphere—this attitude of ignoring social issues on public platforms to avoid the conflict that may follow.

I’m only going to say this once, and I’m going to say it loudly: If you can afford to avoid social issues on social platforms, you are living your life in privilege.

I understand the desire to avoid establishing a resolute position on a social issue for fear of potentially provoking conflict or isolating yourself from your social circle. Humans are hardwired to seek acceptance and belonging, and they establish priorities and determine actions and behaviors based on what will allow them to maintain their status as part of a larger social group. But avoiding conflict does not allow for addressing conflict; and without addressing conflict, societies cannot move forward in social progression.

That is to say, if we are unwilling to discuss social issues, we are unable to adjust our social environment. And the aspects of our social environment that require adjustment are the social issues that people feel uncomfortable discussing.

Privilege in Practice

Let’s take another look at menstruation to illustrate how privilege enables avoidance of social issues. In developed countries like the United States, men are able avoid their discomfort about periods because the women in their social circles have (relatively) easy access to feminine hygiene supplies. Therefore, women manage their periods on their own and the men around them never even need to know.

But what would do you think would happen to our socioeconomic environment if women did not have access to feminine hygiene supplies, and were therefore unable to hide the fact that they were menstruating from the other members (particularly men) in their society? Additionally, what social implications might ensue for society as a whole if men in this circumstance chose to actively avoid menstruation rather than to engage in passive avoidance like we see in our community?

In developing countries, the answers to these questions have significant consequences. In Nepal, for example, menstruation is considered a curse. In a practice known as Chhaupadi, girls and women are ostracized and forced to live in cow sheds on the outskirts of their communities for the duration of their period. The chhaupadi practice is not only dehumanizing and inconvenient, it’s actually dangerous. Every year, girls and women in Nepal die of exposure, wild animal attacks, or asphyxiation (from starting a fire in the hut to keep warm) because of this cultural tradition.

In developing communities that are particularly patriarchal in nature, like Haiti, girls and women are often expected to perform sex acts on boyfriends or husbands to access feminine hygiene supplies, or money to purchase the supplies themselves.

Because these women do not have access to feminine hygiene supplies—i.e., because they cannot hide their menstruation from their social circles—they miss at least one out of every four weeks of school or work. Many girls drop out of school altogether, and women are unable to hold jobs. And if girls don't attend school, they don't receive an education. And if they don't receive an education, they can't get out of poverty. And this cycle is happening in communities all around the world, because societies refuse to address social topics that make them uncomfortable.  

In these communities where women are unable to hide their periods from men, society members must take an active avoidance (i.e., ignorance) to the topic of menstruation. The social atmosphere in these communities enable this ignorance to the serious consequences that menstruation has on women. Whereas in developed countries like the United States, the social atmosphere provides the luxury of making men feel comfortable in their passive avoidance (i.e., ignorance) of periods because women are privileged enough to access feminine hygiene products as they need them. Ergo, men and women that can afford to avoid taking a social stand on a potentially uncomfortable social issue, like destigmatizing menstruation, can do this because of their status in a privileged society. 

Growing complacent in this privileged social environment is dangerous, because it means that members of the community are not motivated to address social issues (and consequently enact social change) because they are able to passively avoid social topics that make them uncomfortable. 

Stand up. Speak out. The society that you enjoy was built on it, and still depends on it.

This same principle extends much beyond menstruation and periods here in the Untied States. We live in a community where we prefer to avoid conflict more than almost anything else. We prioritize inclusion and acceptance over taking a stand about something that may elicit a negative social falling out with some members of our social group.

And while that falling out may feel like the most important thing on an individual level, the bigger social implication of society members avoiding conflict about social issues is that the social issues are not addressed, nor resolved.

Furthermore, living in a society that allows for passive avoidance of important, albeit potentially uncomfortable, social issues promotes the practice of avoiding social interactions that might result in discomfort or conflict. When, in fact, the reality is that without addressing discomfort, social progress cannot exist. Change is wrought by addressing discomfort and overcoming the conflict that follows. Avoiding social topics and circumstances that make us uncomfortable only set us up to fail when faced with an unavoidable conflict in our social environment.

Rather, because each member of society is a contributing member to the overall socioeconomic atmosphere, we ought to make a habit of determining why certain aspects of our social atmosphere makes us uncomfortable, consider that effects that ignoring those social issues might have on society as a whole, recognize that the ability to avoid that uncomfortable circumstance (if it is available) is a privilege and should be treated accordingly, and learn to address those conflicts productively.

I do not mean to suggest that we should encourage discontent with each other (remember, conflict ≠ fighting), but I would encourage each of us to be more aware about how our avoidance (passive or active) of social issues affects the social environment that we enjoy on the whole, and develop more willingness to embrace the discomfort of standing up and speaking out.