“And When Thou Art Converted, Strengthen Thy Brethren.”
“And When Thou Art Converted, Strengthen Thy Brethren.”
- Jesus Christ (Luke 22:32)
This talk was given on October 23, 2022 in the Highland Glen YSA ward of the Alpine, Utah YSA stake. Stake President Brandon Doman attended, and area seventy Elder Richard N. Holzapfel presided.
In 2014, as an undergraduate student at BYU, I sat in the
JKB as Dr. Anthony Sweat taught a religion class about the Doctrine and
Covenants. But I wasn’t really listening. I was entirely consumed in my own
thoughts about truth. I wasn’t sure how we could possibly know that any
of this was true.
I’m analytical by nature, and it’s in my personality to
question everything. I don’t allow myself to be attached so firmly to any
ideology that I’m unwilling to update my beliefs if new evidence enlightens new
understanding. But at this point in my faith journey, that was a new experience
for me. I had always been confident in my testimony and in my understanding of
gospel truths, and I was frightened by these seemingly intrusive thoughts
urging me to turn over ideological rocks that I’d always been firmly instructed
to leave alone.
As I sat in Brother Sweat’s class, wrestling with these
confusing feelings, 2 Nephi 26:22 come very clearly to mind: “The devil…is the
founder of…works of darkness; yea…he leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen
cord, until he bindeth them with his strong cords forever.” Immediately
following that scripture, I formed this rebuttal in my mind, “But…if the church
isn’t true, of course they would teach me not to go looking for truth
elsewhere.”
So, in a moment of what I considered courage, I picked up my
phone and texted a friend. Over the course of the many years I’d known him, this
friend had gone from devoted member of the church to outspoken atheist. I always
want to better understand the human experience of the people around me, so I
asked him to explain what his faith deconstruction journey had looked like. He
responded within minutes, and said, “Jess, I’m so glad you reached out. I’ve
helped so many people get out of the church, and I can help you, too.”
Asking Questions Helps Strengthen Our Testimony
In General Conference a few weeks ago, Elder Stevenson
taught, “Your testimony is a most precious possession. … It is your belief or
knowledge of truth given as a spiritual witness through the influence of the
Holy Ghost” (Nourishing
and Bearing Your Testimony, 2 October 2022).
In order for us to build genuine testimonies, we shouldn’t
be afraid of seeking answers to our sincere questions. Sheri Dew once taught, “My
dear friends, questions are good. Questions are good if they are inspired
questions, asked in faith, and asked of credible sources where the Spirit will
direct and confirm the answer” (Will You Engage in The
Wrestle, BYU Idaho, 17 May 2016).
Note that she says “credible sources” here, and not
necessarily “church sources.” When I was working through my faith exploration,
it was important to me that what I knew about the church, and what I knew about
the world, made sense together.
Now, I want to note here that there is a distinction between
what is true, and what we understand to be true. While I was working to
discover what I believed, I was careful to acknowledge that just because I didn’t
understand something didn’t mean it wasn’t true. I made sure to keep that in
mind while exploring the ways in which the church’s teachings lined up with what
I understood about the world. I recognize that’s not necessary for everyone’s testimony,
but it is necessary for mine.
In fact, a pivotal moment in my faith journey came when I
attended an area conference with Elder Ballard, where he taught, “I worry
sometimes that members expect too much from Church leaders and
teachers—expecting them to be experts in subjects well beyond their duties and
responsibilities. The Lord called the apostles and prophets to invite others to
come to Christ—not to obtain advanced degrees in ancient history, biblical
studies, and other fields that may be useful in answering all the questions we
might have about the scriptures, history, and the Church. … If you have a
question that requires an expert, please take the time to find a thoughtful and
qualified expert to help you.” (Questions
and Answers, BYU, 14 November 2017).
Upon hearing this, I felt I’d finally been given permission
to utilize non-church-sponsored resources to help me answer my questions. Up to
that point, I’d felt a little bit like I was living in a closed-loop cycle,
where I was being instructed to answer my questions about the church only by
listening to what the church had to say.
Now, I’m not suggesting that we should abandon church
resources when seeking answers to our doctrinal questions. When we have a
question about a specific topic, we should heed Elder Ballard’s direction and seek
experts on that topic to help us adopt a more comprehensive understanding. Say
we’re seeking to better understand why emergency rooms are busier on nights
with full moons. When speaking with a doctor, he might verify that his
emergency room is, in fact, busier when there’s a full moon out. If we cease
our search there, we may be inclined to believe that some supernatural force is
at work that results in people getting hurt during full moons. If we continue
our research with an astronomer, we’re likely to learn that full moons provide
much more light than any other type of moon. A public health professional might
add that because there’s more light on nights with a full moon, more people are
likely to be outside after dark, engaging in activities that could potentially land
them in an emergency room.
With all of these perspectives, we have a much more
comprehensive understanding about the relationship between full moons and
emergency rooms. But we wouldn’t have been able to come to that knowledge without
engaging a variety of experts.
When exploring our doctrinal questions, we should take care
to remember that the church, its leaders, and its study materials are experts in
topics of faith and spirituality. If we’re seeking to better understand the
church, but we only utilize non-spiritual resources, we’re missing a crucial voice
in the conversation and the conclusions we draw will be incomplete. This is why
leaders like Elder Holland have repeatedly taught, “In matters of faith and
conviction, it helps to direct your inquiry toward those who actually have
some!” (The
Message, The Meaning, and The Multitude, 6 October
2019).
Not Asking Questions is Far More Dangerous Than Asking Them
We don’t need to fear our questions. We can’t grow in our testimonies if we try to ignore the questions we have about the church and its doctrines. Nephi asked an inspired question to see what his father saw, and was blessed with the vision of the tree of life and an understanding of Christ’s infinite atonement (1 Nephi 11:1[JK1]). Joseph Smith asked an inspired question to know which of the churches, if any, were true, and was blessed with the opportunity to restore the Church of Jesus Christ to the earth (Joseph Smith – History 1:10[JK2]).
We, too, are blessed with understanding when we seek answers
to our inspired questions.
To quote Sheri Dew once more, “We all have questions. Some
are doctrinal, historical, or procedural. Some are intensely personal. … The
Lord wants us to ask every probing question we can muster because not asking
questions can be far more dangerous than asking them. In other words, sin makes
you stupid – and so does refusing to seek after truth” (Will You Engage in The
Wrestle, BYU Idaho, 17 May 2016).
Asking our questions not only allows us to build strong
testimonies for ourselves, it also prepares us to participate in a unique but
important form of missionary work by being able to better understand and
empathize with members who are questioning. If the only place a doubter can
find solidarity is with others who have left the church, it’s no wonder they
often follow in those footsteps.
In the rockiest moments of my faith exploration, I often
felt unheard and misunderstood by church members. All the talks and lessons
seemed to reinforce my perception that everyone here at church was strong in
their testimony, and that there wasn’t space in our congregations for people
like me, who were questioning. And that’s harmful because the people who are
weak in their testimonies are the ones who need to feel the most welcome
attending our church meetings. We must get better at helping fellow members
feel comfortable expressing their doubts, because when we don’t, they take
their questions where they do feel heard – to members who have left the church.
Just like I did.
Conclusion
When my friend told me he was glad I reached out because he
could “help me get out of the church,” my response to him was, “I’m not sure
I’m ready to leave yet. I just want to understand.” He was obviously very
confident that the more I explored the questions I had, the more convinced I’d
be to walk away from the church.
But he was wrong.
The more I addressed my questions, using a variety of church
and non-church sponsored resources, the more I realized that in matters of God
and religion – we all get believe whatever we want to believe. I have people
ask me all the time when I talk about my faith journey, “Why did you choose to stay?”
And the answer to that question is long, and involved, but ultimately it boils
down to, “Because I wanted to.” I want to believe in God. I want to be a member
of His church. And I want to stand as His witness.
Elder Stevenson listed the five key elements of a testimony
in his conference talk, and I want to echo those to close (Nourishing
and Bearing Your Testimony, 2 October 2022):
1.
God is my Faither, and I am His child. He loves
me.
2.
Jesus Christ lives. He is the Son of the living
God and my Savior and Redeemer.
3.
Joseph Smith is a prophet of God called to
restore the Church of Jesus Christ.
4.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
is God’s restored Church on the earth.
5.
The restored Church of Jesus Christ is led by a
living prophet today.
I know that for a lot of us, developing a testimony of our
own can be gritty work. But I can testify that we don’t need to avoid asking
the questions we have because we’re afraid of what we might discover. The
church will hold up to scrutiny. Don’t be afraid of seeking answers to even
your scariest questions, but remember to give the church and its spiritual expertise
adequate weight while you’re seeking your answers. In doing this, I know you’ll
come to the testimony that best suits you.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
[JK1]For it came to pass
after I had desired to know the things that my father had seen, and believing
that the Lord was able to make them known unto me, as I sat pondering in mine heart I
was caught
away in
the Spirit of the Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high mountain, which I never had
before seen, and upon which I never had before set my foot.
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